I’ve been meditating on and off since the early 1980’s – Which is when I started martial arts and discovered Eastern philosophy. There were times I’d meditate daily for ten to fifteen minutes at a specific time of day, then there wasn’t any meditating for months at a time. I never give up meditating it gets lost in my scheduling priorities. However I always return to the practice, usually after being overwhelmed by the aforementioned schedule!
Returning to practicing meditation isn’t like getting back on a bike after not riding for a while — Its more like returning to running or weight training–Requiring reconditioning not just of the body but of the mind and spirit as well.
Since my visit to Kripalu yoga and retreat center this past August, I’ve been meditating regularly and with more intention. I’ve been less structured with my scheduling for example; everyday at 5am for ten minutes, has now become everyday when time permits for a minimum of five minutes. This subtle shift has allowed me to be more at peace and centered with my practice and it has given me the freedom and confidence to go deeper. Which is why on most not all Sundays I do a 29 minute guided mediation off an Ap called Insight Timer, the meditation is called “Befriending and Opening to Life” and is lead by Tara Brach. It was during this meditation that I discovered “Bliss in Surrender.”
While sitting on two throw pillows trying to keep my mind from focusing on my tight aching back, I gave in to the breath,smiling heart and centering OM — Focused now on my intentions of Joy and Peace I allowed my self to surrender into the meditation. Suddenly or not (there really is no sense of time in bliss) I felt no body, no floor, no room!! I had a sense of being in this kind of space before and I believe this is how it felt before the first breath at birth, the way it feels every time you surrender to sleep, or to anesthesia and my guess how it feels before the last breath. This isn’t a hallucination, or a drug induced state it is a perfect state of bliss where you feel like you’re being held by God!
I don’t know if this is Nirvana or if I imagined it? My only wish is that I can visit it again and be aware of it longer. I do know it will only happen if I surrender to it…